From: shango@netcom.com (Shango)
Subject: ASSC: AFTSD - I'm still waiting
Date: Tue, 2 Dec 1997 22:45:39 GMT



In my brief time participating in a.s.s-c and #ass-c, no less that 4

regular contributors have epiphanized and vanished.  At an attrition

rate of 2/month, it's a wonder that there's any people left here at

all.  



What's amazing is that there are many old timers who have ridden the

'piph wave and are still here.  They are constant reminders of one

thing.  A strip club is no place for the weak and cowardly.



Though I have not 'piphed myself -- and have even boldly predicted

that I never will -- I have carefully observed the warning signs in

others.  Some of you may have already epiph'ed and not even known it.

Here are a few common ones to watch out for:



Dinner Date Epiph:  Take a dancer out to dinner one night.  The next

day, refuse to give details, just keep saying that the previous night

made you "think about stuff", and that you're going away forever,

goodbye. 



Nice Guy Epiph: Shocking realization that being termed a "nice guy" by

the strippers basically translates to: "even if you WERE the last guy on

earth, I'd still prefer a cucumber."

 

Personal Success Epiph:  Join a personal success organization whose

adherents -- if this is possible -- are even more annoying than

Scientologists.  



Banana Republic Epiph:  "My ATF went to a fiery apocalypse and all I

got was this lousy postcard"



Outcall Epiph:  While looking through a swinger's magazine ("I read

the articles"), find an ad for your ex-wife offering outcall

services. 



Open Air 90 Epiph:  While driving down the highway at 90 mph, see a

car go by with your new ATF's naked ass hanging out the window.



Adam's Apple Epiph:  My new ATF is great, but why are her hands so

big? 



Frightened Turtle Epiph:  Your ATF finally puts her hands down your

pants, but it's really cold in the lap dancing area, and she may not

understand about shrinkage.



Drunken Epiph:  Get really drunk, then propose to every dancer you

see.  Also known as the "I Love You, Man" Epiph



Cat or Kitty Epiph: You live with a hot stripper, but the only

stroking you're allowed to do is with the cats.



Shopping Cart Epiph:  While wandering around Nordstrom's with your

ATF, suddenly realize that if she really liked you, you wouldn't have

to take her on $1000 shopping sprees every time you go out.



Facial Epiph:  Read an article on the 'net about your ATF thrusting

her face into another dancer's posterior, and realize you kinda like

it. 



Touchy-Feely Epiph:  Overwhelming depression that you're paying $20/dance

to give *her* the massage.