From: HiddnDancr@aol.com Subject: ASSC/AFTSD: #20 Well, it's been a whole year since I started writing (damn time starts going fast when you start sneaking up on 30) and yes, I'm still shaking my groove thing. It's been an interesting year, to say the least. And so, I'm once again happy to be a part of AFTSD for more of what may (or may not) continue as a series of diary-like posts. Enjoy. Time to repeat my disclaimer: Identifying names and places may be changed to protect the innocent...and the guilty. Please don't bother trying to email me. For reasons that will probably become clear, I prefer to remain anonymous. There have been so many changes in the last months, I don't know where to begin. Let's see... For a variety of reasons, I've had to change a lot in my life, including where I work. The details don't matter; besides, I'm trying to remain anonymous, remember? The club I'm in now is much, much different than anything I've ever experienced. Fair sized, poorly lit, what I assume to be Mob-affiliated, and pretty nasty in a variety of ways, at least from my limited experience. Some of the women are flat out prostitutes, IMO, about which I could care less EXCEPT that one or two of them are hell-bent on undercutting all of the rest of us on lap dance prices. Freedom to do what you want with your body? You bet. How do I feel when it fucks with my money? Pissed off, of course...who wouldn't be, for chrissakes? Morals, schmorals, when it impacts my cash flow I get a little testy. One of the reasons I haven't posted in awhile is because of a co-worker of mine. A customer at the club told this woman (who I considered a good friend, knew her prior to work) that I had repeated nasty things about her; a total lie. Why he did this I do not know. I don't slam my friends. When she started acting kind of cold to me, I asked her if there was a problem, and she said of course there was and I knew all about it and she didn't have anything to say to me. Needless to say, I was pretty upset. Yeah, she turned out to be not so good a friend after all, but this particular kind of situation is a powderkeg for me, regardless . Tailspin time. Bad shit, very painful. I'm still working on getting over it, but in the meantime, I'm trying not to throttle the customer every time I see him. The other reason I've been absent was something I've been expecting for awhile. I actually overheard some men discussing me and my posts. Titillating, yes...and a little scary. Evidently, there are quite a few theories about where and who I am, and why I'm doing this. FYI, I've mentioned before that I camouflage certain details; rest assured that all the guesses I've heard (most through email) are way off base :). Don't worry, I'm still working with my shrink about my control issues; I'll be sure to update all the ASSCia with my progress in that arena. So, I'm going on a year plus in the industry, and I'm starting to get a little depressed. My depression is manifesting itself in different ways, though. I only work three days a week, and am finding that even during the days I don't work, sometimes I just lie around and don't leave the house. Motivation has become a problem, and I do things like let my house get messy, neglect my responsibilities, etc. I know that part of it is that I'm getting really, really bored. I can't work more at the club, but even if I could, it wouldn't satisfy my head. I do have some semi-decent job skills, but while I'm pretty bright, there's no one thing that I'm really good at (besides going online and traversing the 'Net for weird pages and offbeat info. See All Men Must Die for a current fave). I'm kind of drifting right now; I'm thinking that our local community college is a good place to help me find out where I want to go next. I've had some absolutely incredible nights at work, and more than a few stinkers. I'm happy to say that I managed to make $1000 in a shift once; I'm assuming it'll never happen again so if I ever get close, I'll be pleasantly surprised. My finances are going pretty well. I've made about $32K this year not counting December, which is more than enough to sustain my lifestyle and for me continue putting money away. I've done enough research to finally feel comfortable putting together a financial plan and sticking to it, which is quite an achievement for me. My life is pretty terrific today, I must admit. Work is still fun at times, and it's almost always a challenge for me mentally and emotionally to stay healthy and whole; not bad as long as I'm prepared for it. I actively tend to my spiritual life, which is becoming more and more important. I'm in a fabulous relationship with someone I love very deeply, and who loves me in return. I have a good home with happy roommates and happier pets. My family loves and supports me regardless of how much they may or may not approve of what I do. Take note, gentlemen. You are witness to a rare phenomena: a relatively happy, peaceful dancer at a very nice place in her life. Better take a picture, it'll last longer ;). Thanks for listening to my update. Hopefully, I'll have more substance and less theory in my future writings. HiddnDancr -----------== Posted via Deja News, The Discussion Network ==---------- http://www.dejanews.com/ Search, Read, Discuss, or Start Your Own