From: bamurphy@spamsux.iname.com (Murf)
Subject: ASSC-AFTSD-Things That Sucked And Things That Should

[Note: I'm only 1/2 hour late!  Give me a break: I had a shit day!]

Stumped on a subject for this year's AFTSD, I dug out my posting from last year's event, thinking that might serve as some inspiration.

For last year's AFTSD, I wrote an article called, "A Fail To Suck Life".  As I reread the letter, I realized how tinged my PL/RIL colored glasses had become.  I spoke of my hopes and dreams, positive I'd found my perfect life as well as business partner in my ATF.

...and dreams they were.

It took eight months and eight days to absorb life's lesson, leaving me a poster child for customer abuse.

Wait a minute!  This is supposed to be on a 'FAIL to suck' experience.  woops.  Nevermind.

[whiplash segue]

The Place:
Gotham City
S side of Sherman Way 1 block W of Canoga Ave
Canoga Park, CA

What Didn't Suck:
Julie The Bartender
Topless
Beer/Wine
Kinda cheezy Grecian appointments
Clean
Julie The Bartender
Decent prices
No cover when I walked in
Under $5 beers
Julie The Bartender
No iced tea, but they do have coffee and cappuccino when the machine's not broke
$20 laps in well-lit-un-private booths
No dancer drinks
No pushing for laps
Julie The Bartender

What Should Have Sucked:
Like you can't guess...

The Tale:
I got tired of wallowing in customer damage and decided to climb back on the horse.  Avoiding my previous haunts seemed to be the best medicine, so I went in search of a club a dancer I'd met at the Foxy Lady had suggested: Gotham City.

Finding it was almost as difficult as finding the Bat Cave.  I drove up and down Sherman Way three times before remembering SC's typically have an alley entrance.  Sure 'nuf, there off the second alley I checked was the back entrance.  I logged it's location in my GPS implant, pulled back onto Sherman Way, and extrapolated the front entrance.

hmmmm.  There was a twenty-foot banner screaming GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS above a door almost fifty yards off my dead reckoning, but who knows: maybe it's a long building.  Either that or I've got an early Pentium CPU in my GPS implant.

As I walked in, the DJ-who-doubles-as-a-doorman didn't say a word, so I suppose there's no cover at 8pm on Wednesday's.

His silence also served as a reminder I'm well past the age of being mistaken for a minor.

Heading towards the bar I stopped dead in my tracks.  The lass behind the counter was unquestionably the most beautiful woman in the place.  Hell, she was unquestionably one of the most beautiful women I've seen ANY place.  Blonde, 5'4ish, maybe 110 lbs, hills and valleys everywhere the gods intended and wearing a clinging top that bared four delicious inches of flesh above jeans sprayed on an incredibly luscious butt and legs.

Had she been perfect [trans: a redhead] and danced, I'd have found a new fav hangout.

I noticed something unique to even my rather twisted SC experiences.  I've been so smitten by a 7 I would only see her in a crowd of 9's and 10's, but in those situations, all the wimminz were nearly nekked.  This was different.  Julie, the bartender, would only have been arrested for indecent exposure in Saudi Arabia: the women sitting on either side of me would have been arrested for the same charge in Hollywood.

I don't mean to take away from the dancers: with the exception of one that had a severe overbite [but a near-perfect body], they all were pleasing to the eye.  I even managed to pry myself away from Julie long enough to tip two dancers - the dancer I'd met and enjoyed at the Foxy Lady and another named Red [uh redhead, duh], but the rest of the time I just sat at the bar and split my attention between the TV and Julie.

Oh, I wasn't trying to hit on her - not even close - I was just friendly and treated her well.  Hell, she was doing most of what I look for from a dancer: she was fun to talk to and lust after.

All in all, it was money well spent.  As I walked out the door, my step was lighter and there was a smile on my face: she'd dispelled much of the negative 'tude I'd been nursing the past few days.

Isn't that what it's all about?

B

P.S. did I mention they have dancers at Gotham City?

P.P.S. did I mention Julie The Bartender?