The Post of Five Rings by Miyamoto Buddah, The Enlightened One. I have been many years lapping in the Way of Poon, called Strip Club Ryu, and now I think I will explain it in writing for the first time. It is now during the first days of the twelfthh month in the year of 1999. I have climbed to my second floor den to pay homage to ASS-C, pray to Intel, and kneel before Gateway. I am a Pervert of Douglas Town, Queens County, Sid Hartha Buddah age 45 years. From youth my heart has been inclined toward the Way of Poon. My first lap was when I was eighteen, I went down on a dancer of the Melody school, one Noelle. When I was Twenty five I banged an able stripper, Barbie of the Mons Venus School. When I was thirty-one I went up to Times Square and met all manner of strippers, never once failing to splooge in many laps. I set this down now in order to make clear to dancers just what is expected of them from their customers. The Way for dancers is shown in five books concerning different aspects. These are Ground, Water, Fire, Tradition (Wind), and Void. These excerpts from my books apply to dancers. If I can stay up past the Hour of the Tiger I will elaborate on the Way for PL's otherwise, I will save it for the next AFTSD. If you want to learn this Way, deeply consider the things written in this post one at a time. You must do sufficient research. As if it were a straight road mapped out on the ground, the first book is called the Ground book. This book provides a grounding for your appearance. Be beautiful. The customers see every flaw. Keep your body in shape- get on that stair master. Quit the biz when you have cottage cheese on your butt or thighs and your belly hangs over your g-string. Stretch marks suck big-time too. If you're a butter face (© H Stern Show) wear a bag on your head or grow your hair out and go for the cousin It look. Plastic surgery might help. If your tits look like flapjacks quit or get implants. If you spring for plastic tits aim for reality. Don't get them unless you have to, they feel like baseballs. Smell good, but don't wear so much perfume that our eyes tear. You have to smell like a dancer, not a 2 bit whore (Hmmm...Is there a difference?). You ought to think deeply about this. Second is the Water book. With water as the basis, the spirit becomes like water. You must be able to flow across the stage. Learn to dance. Guys hate watching strippers that move to music no one else can hear. Don't just strut around the stage either. You're not a fucking runway model. Learn the tricks of the trade, pole and floor work. And if you're working nude we want to see pink. (You know how the song goes, it's an obscession.) Give us value for the money. I cannot write in detail how this is done. Just shaking your ass rarely does it. We know you're a mercenary bitch. You know we're ATM's. We accept being ATM's the same way you should accept being a slut. . The principle of lapping is having one thing, to know ten thousand things. Things of the Poon school are written in this the Water book. Third is the Fire book. This book is about mileage. The spirit of fire is fierce, whether the fire be small or big; and so it is with laps. When you're with a customer who's paying, pay attention to him, not the next potential PL. When you seem distraced, we all want to bitch slap you and set you straight. This is the the contest between dancer and PL. In lapping it is necessary to treat mileage as a part of normal life with your spirit unchanging. You must make sure we get to touch everything we want to. You must know what to do to get around any rule. The more fun we have the more dances we buy. If you provide extras so much the better. Thus lapping in strip clubs is described in the Fire book. Fourthly the Wind book. This book is with my Poon school and with other schools of strategy. By Wind I mean old traditions, present-day traditions, and family traditions. It is difficult to know yourself. Accept being the slut that you are and do your best to get us off. Once you accept that you're a slut, the money flows. To all Ways there are side-tracks. Make us believe you actually *want* to get us off. It is supposed to be fantasy, flex those acting muscles. We believe very little of what comes out of your mouth anyway. Just try to keep the "stripper shit" © to a minimum. In other strategies you have come to be thought of as mere strippers, and it is not unreasonable that this should be so. The benefit of my strategy, although it includes table dancing, lies in a separate principle lap dancing. Fifthly, the book of the Void. By Void I mean that which has no beginning and no end. Attaining this principle means not attaining the principle. The Way of Poon is the Way of nature. When you appreciate the power of customers, knowing the rhythm of any situation, you will be able to grind naturally and lap naturally. Know your place, and keep to it. The customer is always right. You want *our* money, slut. All this is the Way of the Void. Don't take anything said in the club personally, you'll live longer. Leave those pathetic self esteem issues at home. I intend to show how to follow the true Way according to nature in the book of the Void. Lapping is the craft of the Stripper. Dancers must enact the craft, and should know this Way. There is no dancer in the world today who really understands the Way of Poon. To write this book I did not use the law of Buddha or the teachings of Confucius, neither old Playboys, Penthouse or Hustler magazines nor books on Erotic tactics. I take up my mouse and keyboard to explain the true spirit of this Poon school as it is mirrored in the Way of heaven and poontang. PS: With thanks to Bossman for the fresh meat which evolved into the above.