in the beginning...

It all started on a cold and wintery day in March or 1993, well not
really it started before that, but that doesn't have the grip of the
cold of winter. When it's cold what else is there to do? Easy, go to the
Canadian Ballet, drink some beer and watch the girlies dance in the
nude.

I would have been fine with strip clubs and strippers if only there
hadn't been the opportunity to actually touch them. Shit, the air table
dance days were still a not so distant memory. Heck I even remember when
the dancers had to keep on a G-string when table side. Beer was $3 and
table dances where a hefty $5.

Back in the Winter of my discontent, December 20, 1990 (I think) we had
some time to kill, so the fateful decision was made to go to the nudie
bar. It was a guy thing. The club was Runway 66 in Mississauga and it
boasted the best looking dancers anywhere.

Eye candy to the left of us and eye candy to the right. We occupied a
seat in perverts row, stage side. With the best view of all the action.
Dancers appeared on stage after sauntering down a spiral staircase from
the change room. Endless dancers, one after another...

... and then there was Donna... a goddess of perfection, never in my
life or since have I laid my eyes on such a delicious sight... a sight
to behold... and to hold.

To make a long story short, I ran into her again 3 years later in the
same club, still looking great, she had gotten married and divorced for
the second time and some where in there picked up a nose candy
affliction. All's well that end's well.

Back to the real story, 1993 (yes I know it's like one of those movies
with flashback scene and you don't know if your in the past or in the
present, but bare with me) and the introduction of beer, nude women
and.... LAP DANCING... a interesting creation of a judge's ruling. You
never thought that judges are just strip clubs perverts under those
black robes, I bet you never knew that.

The pleasure of having young, hard bodies within nanometer range of
various parts of your body, this might be HARD to explain, BUTT the
experience was quite stimulating. Titillation at it's finest.

Now if I can get your mind out of the gutter for a minute, flash forward
to the present. Lap dancing was banned, then crept back to epic
proportions... something had to give.

What nude territories where there left to explore? I found myself
striving to go for a nu derection, to stretch the envelop to it's
maximum. To go where no man has gone before.

[que music from 2001: A Space Odyssey]

I had planned other things for that Friday, but since the redhead was
being too much of a bitch, but no matter since just afterwards I had
spied my little squirt arriving. She's blonde, she's french, she's got
the best ass I've ever seen on a white women and she's a crazy little
pervert in her own right.

Needless to say I have to remain silent about what occurred since this
could and would be used against me in a kangaroo court. But suffice it
to say nude boundaries were broken, perversions where taken to a nude
level. Which surprised me no end, since we had thought we had pushed the
boundaries to the point of no return on previous occasions. I guess this
is what happens when you haven't seen your favourite dancer for several
months, perversions pent up and need to be released. Caution should have
been observed, but was tossed to the wind.

And who do we have to thank for all this? None other then a wise old man
who sat on the bench and proclaimed "there's nothing wrong with a nude
women sitting on a man's lap."

Well perhaps he didn't try all the positions that we did that night.